By Grace Hui
I always thought that embarking on the spiritual path would make me happier, that somehow I would suddenly become a person that was always able to avoid or solve problems. I don’t know what gave me that idea but nevertheless it was subconsciously there. It therefore came as a rude shock that even as I meditated, journalled and did rituals, I was still fundamentally the same person who had triggers and anxieties.
I hit an impasse and had to pause for reflection - no, not for a minute, but for months. No one said that the path was easy. They said it was rewarding - that is a very different thing from easy. Somehow, I had confused the two for a true spiritual path is not about feeling better momentarily. It is about doing the hard work to truly empower and know yourself and that takes a life time and more.
As I worked through the disappointment however, I realised over time that the spiritual path isn’t about becoming someone else. It is about loving and accepting yourself for all your beauty and your flaws. That’s step one. For it was only through truly accepting and loving myself that I was able to make authentic decisions that were not based on outside validation or the negative ego.
Do I still have moments I regret? Do I have bad days? Do I have triggers? YES I DO! The difference however is that I spend far less time berating myself and wishing that it had not happened the way it did. Rather, I accept that I am an imperfect human being with good intentions and who makes mistakes. Through that acceptance, I am able to transcend that mistake to process and progress.
There might be snags in a peacock’s plume but overall, it is still a majestic whole.
When I accept myself fully, I am also more able to have compassion for others for aren’t we all imperfect beings trying our best?
